Strong Femininity

Today I was privileged to read a portion of one of my favorite blogs that really got me thinking. It's American Scholar, authored by my very awesome cousin Heidi. In fact she actually helped me make a pretty big decision today. Here is my reply to the topic she brought up and a little background just to make it interesting;

It all started my senior year of high school. I was just finishing a sucessful run as the head debater on the Lincoln Douglas team. I had aspirations of being a lawyer. I had been voted "most likely to suceed" in the school newspaper. I was on top of the world when an identity crisis hit. WHAT exactly was I going to succeed AT?

Looking back I think the first catlyst was a statement my debate coach made while discussing my plans to attend BYU. "I just feel bad you're a mormon... such a waste" he mumbled. When I pressed him for more he explained that, because of my religion I was fully expected to spend my life, "barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen." I was disgusted! I was a strong, independent woman. I determined that I would prove him wrong.

So, I started college and right off the bat I met a guy. I was still determined that I would NOT become one of THOSE girls who got married right away and started popping out kids. I tried to push him away. (Looooong story for another day) Still, before long we were discussing our future and, of course, that dredged up the prophecy from my coach.

Here I was, young, strongwilled, independent, with big plans and dreams but something just didn't feel right. Something else was pulling at my heartstrings. I decided law school wasn't for me and as time went on I realized my true calling. I wanted to be a mother, and while many women can balance both- I knew I would end up sacrificing too much if I tried. I chose motherhood.

I fought it. I really did- but not because of anything anyone said to me at the time. Those words from my teacher just kept comming back to me, haunting me, making me feel like I had somehow settled. I had failed. But my heart kept telling me otherwise. I finally came to a conclusion- I could be 1 successful person. OR I could raise 4 successful children who would raise thier own sucessful children. I can actually make MORE impact as a mother.

NOW... the tie in to my cousin's blog. She spoke about the lack of equality among men and women. Specifically within the church. It makes me sad because I've heard the same sentiment from other friends of mine. Why do men hold all of the leadership positions? Why do men hold the priesthood? Why do men control everything?

But they don't! That's the thing. There may be men who think they do, or want us to think they do but it's simply not true. I see it as mostly a method of delegation. Our Father had certain tasks and roles that he needed filled here on earth. To men were given some and to women others. So, I may not sit on the stand as a member of the bishopric. That doesn't mean that they are superior to me in any way. They just have a different role to fill.

I can see where the concern for equality comes from. There are many men who to take a position of unrighteous dominion over the women in thier lives. They claim to "wear the pants" or "lay down the law" but that's not how a marriage should be and doesn't reflect the true plan that God made for us. There is a lot of growth that needs to happen to help create equality among men and women. I think my concern is that in fighting for equality, we as women will lose sight of what makes us truly special.

It seems to me that we have begun to flip to the oposite end of the issue. In the past women were looked down upon for wanting to pursue careers. Even now, there are many fields that try to discourage women from entering them. However, I've seen an alarming trend as of late that now the woman who chooses to stay home with her children is now the "poor soul", "Such a waste". I stand on the edge of becoming just that and for some reason I feel guilty? Like I'm somehow lowering myself to become JUST a houswife. This is equally disturbing if not more so than the segregation of years past.

I am a mother, and yet I am strong. I chose home over career, and yet I am not submissive. I sew halloween costumes, I puree carrots, I read bedtime stories and yet I do not see myself as on my knees or silent. I AM "the most likely to succeed" after all. :) My husband and I ARE equals. In fact, he may even try to put me on a pedastal at times but truly we walk hand in hand.

We have different roles, it's true, but things would probably break down into chaos if we started overlapping. One washes, One dries the dishes. How effective would we be if both of us washed and niether dried or vice versa. Or, as Ben Franklin said. It's like having two of the same side of scissors. You need the opposing pieces to create function.

I am proud to be a woman. I am proud of my femininity. I am proud of the choices I've made. I know I have a Heavenly Father AND a Heavenly Mother. I know our differences are what make us strong and I just hope that one day our society can find a balance where men and women can be equal yet different and be OK with it.

Thank you... and Good Night. :)