Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Stillbirth and Pregnancy Loss Day

Today is actually one of those labeled days. A day for people to light a candle in memory of lost children, memories that never got to be made and hearts that were left broken.

Thankfully, I haven't faced this trial in my life. My child is healthy and happy. But I remember those nagging fears during pregnancy. "What if..." We had a few scares along the way but I knew in my heart that things would work out. I just didn't know how.

For those who have suffered thought, I can't imagine the pain. My heart goes out to them!

Maybe it's because it's October and Halloween is in the air but all this actually made me think of sweet Karlee. Zach's aunt that he will never meet. Then my brain did it's little thing and left me thinking how thankful I am to know of God's plan for these children.

As horrifying as that day was 6 years ago, I had a profound comfort in my heart. Knowing that Heavenly Father had a plan for her and that she wasn't just gone.

She was recieving the very highest glory in heaven. She was a special spirit and though we were so blessed to have enjoyed the little time we had with her, she was destined to greater things than this earth life could offer her. As are these children lost who we honor today.

Not only that but she's not even lost to me. I will see her again. And those mothers who lost thier infants will have the opportunity to hold them in thier arms and watch them grow up strong and healthy just like my little boy has.

I don't want to make it sound like the suffering of mothers who've lost children should be less in any way. We should still mourn- I certainly have. It's just, I guess the best way to explain it was that I mourned for me, NOT her. I mourned for the time I would spend without her. To me it will seem like an eternity. To her, just a blink. And because I mourned for me, I was able to find that day that I could step forward. I still have a part of my heart that IS sad, that still mourns. But I can allow myself happiness, I can laugh with my son. This year will be my first year to celebrate Halloween since the accident- and it's OK. She's happy. I can be to.


Gretchen N' Some times Jeremy said...

Thank you for this little note it makes me feel so happy that there is a plan and that we know what it is.

I don't celebrate halloween either for other reasons though. I am so glad that you can celebrate it the way you need to to celebrate life.

I love Karlee so much and miss her too. I am so glad of her example in the few years I knew her! and the one she gives me of this life and the next.

I know she is looking down at you and just so proud that her big sis loves her as much as you do!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful tribute to your precious little sister Karlee. And just so you know, I too put up Halloween decorations this year, for the first time since that terrible accident. I like how you put it ... she is happy. We all should be too.